Thursday, March 24, 2005

I Am A Jiggling Mass of Goo

Today, instead of telling you how intensely interesting my day has been or where I've been the last couple of weeks, I think I'll just tell you about a woman. I seriously don't know if I'm attracted to her. But I do know that she occupies the entirety of my mind. There'd be moments during a day where I would lapse from writing, and her face commands my attention, so much so that doing my work has been an immensely difficult thing to do lately. Maybe I do like her. Or maybe I want her to like me. Regardless, I'm not quite sure why it is that I like her. Maybe it's because I see her everyday, or the fact that I like the way she looks at me, and how I can look back at her without being conscious about how stupid I am at times. When I am in her presence, I feel that I can do great things; when I sit beside her, I feel the gentle beating of mighty wings. And yet, despite all that, I do not have the balls to go after her. I simply am a jiggling mass of goo, and I see no reason why she would even hear of it before chewing me up and spitting me out to rot in a monsoon drain. I have nothing she wants, and yet, she has everything I want. For now. OMGWTHIBETEHPATHETIC. And so, I decide to do nothing, eventhough she occupies my most recent dreams at night, and how I think I am going crazy over pretending that she's nothing more than just someone I know. Probably for the best anyway, I'm insane enough as it is thinking this would ever work. I usually give good advise, and if someone I knew were in this situation, I'd tattoo the word Dumbass on his forehead and ask him to move on. I guess we're all just victims of our own emotions. I need to go out more. She cannot occupy every single minute of my waking moment. She just cannot. I think I like her more already. Loosing my mind has never been such sweet surrender.

Friday, March 11, 2005

Regina, Post Mortem

I'd like to say that when a relationship ends, it sorta slaps you in the face and forces a person to mentally vomit out thoughts of regret and redemption. Ho hum, can't say the same for me. This is by far my shortest relationship ever, and although I am still eating the dust when compared to my friend's one day relationship, who the fuck wants to be in a one day relationship anyway? Are you shooting an episode of 24? Truth is, I am comfortable with my routine, so much so I have become exceedingly efficient at creating new things to do as to make sure I do not ever lapse into a moment of loneliness. I've done the whole long-term and short-term relationships, so I really can't be fucked to go through the entire dating repertoire, just for the sake for dating. I'm not 18 anymore, and I don't go to sleep thinking about sticking my dick into any sweet thing wearing a short skirt. Well, not that often anymore anyway. So when I began a relationship a few months ago, I honestly wanted it to work. Funny really, since it was she who wanted the whole thing to happen, and it is she who ironically pulled away. And now with my previous old flame being single again, I'm just afraid this rollercoaster is just going to start all over again. But there isn't one relationship I regret ever indulging, and although it was ultimately doomed anyway, I could always picture us having the time of our lives, making great memories which we'll remember even after we're not together anymore. I still do.