Thursday, March 24, 2005

I Am A Jiggling Mass of Goo

Today, instead of telling you how intensely interesting my day has been or where I've been the last couple of weeks, I think I'll just tell you about a woman. I seriously don't know if I'm attracted to her. But I do know that she occupies the entirety of my mind. There'd be moments during a day where I would lapse from writing, and her face commands my attention, so much so that doing my work has been an immensely difficult thing to do lately. Maybe I do like her. Or maybe I want her to like me. Regardless, I'm not quite sure why it is that I like her. Maybe it's because I see her everyday, or the fact that I like the way she looks at me, and how I can look back at her without being conscious about how stupid I am at times. When I am in her presence, I feel that I can do great things; when I sit beside her, I feel the gentle beating of mighty wings. And yet, despite all that, I do not have the balls to go after her. I simply am a jiggling mass of goo, and I see no reason why she would even hear of it before chewing me up and spitting me out to rot in a monsoon drain. I have nothing she wants, and yet, she has everything I want. For now. OMGWTHIBETEHPATHETIC. And so, I decide to do nothing, eventhough she occupies my most recent dreams at night, and how I think I am going crazy over pretending that she's nothing more than just someone I know. Probably for the best anyway, I'm insane enough as it is thinking this would ever work. I usually give good advise, and if someone I knew were in this situation, I'd tattoo the word Dumbass on his forehead and ask him to move on. I guess we're all just victims of our own emotions. I need to go out more. She cannot occupy every single minute of my waking moment. She just cannot. I think I like her more already. Loosing my mind has never been such sweet surrender.


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