Sunday, May 29, 2005

Of TSD and A Certain Drunk Fairy

Many people have snided at the fact that I appear to be consumed with the utmost of bitchiness when I write in my blog, but I appear to be sunshine and daisies in person. What, would you prefer it the other way around? On another note, I've resigned to that fact that the majority of the local blogging world will know me simply as KelvinTSD, thanks in large to JoyceTheFairy. While I adore her to bits, I will now walk in clubs in paranoid terror, wondering when the next person would come up behind me and say "Holy shit, you're KelvinTSD!" In fact, that's already sorta happened. Joyce wanted me to meet AdamPeterPan and RainbowGayDave, and barely a few seconds upon me sitting down, Dave had to go: "Hey, you're KelvinTSD, the one who took Joyce out in that GTI" Imagine my silent, stunned horror. Now I sit here, in front of an absolute stranger, having forced to quickly vomit out words explaining as to why my name has the words TSD appended to it. I thank God that Dave turned out to be interesting and a pleasant company to the night's conversation, because if I have to go through another moment where I have to explain myself, I will get myself on the next flight to Bangkok and buy myself a shotgun for which to shoot myself with. Interestingly enough though, AdamPeterPan does the most hilarious impersonations; you simply have to be there to listen to his Scottish cussing. So Joyce, I know your website has a trillion times more traffic than mine, and you probably don't even read my blog anyway, but damn you for making my life such a living nightmare. If you simply have any love for me at all, you will give me a new, more macho name. Or at the very least, flash me your tits.

Saturday, May 21, 2005

MSN isn't exactly a good thing, you know

There's this girl that I know who insists on striking up conversations with me at the most inconvenient time, and asks just about the most inane questions ever. I know it's boring and hardly worth reading, but you just have to check out the shit I deal with everyday with her. [Her] Why aren't you with a girl right now? [Me] Because I'm not out there looking for them. [Her] You know, you're like 26. Pretty soon you'll have to marry someone. [Me] I don't know what you're trying to imply, but I don't want to marry you. [Her] When was the last time you had sex? [Me] Longer than Clinton's time as President. [Her] Seriously, don't you need, service yourself? [Me] Sure, I go for regular tuning of my love tube every 20,000 km or so. [Her] Do you still miss your ex? [Me] I'm pretty damn sure she misses me a whole lot more than I miss her. Actually, could you go ask her for me, since you're so curious? [Her] So why don't you ask her out? [Me] You know it's possible to drive and steer your steering wheel with your legs if you put your mind to it? [Her] I suppose. Why? [Me] That doesn't make it a fucking good idea, does it? Ex-es aren't too, either. [Her] So, what are you thinking right now? [Me] I'm contemplating of sending Lucasfilm a hate mail. [Her] OOh, you've watched it already? How was it? [Me] Oh, it was fucking awesome! That's why i'm sending them a hate mail, for making such an awesome flick! Duh alert? [Her] You're mean. [Me] Now you see why we must never get married? I simply cannot allow myself to seed you and spawn dumbfuck children. [Her] ...