Wednesday, June 01, 2005

Of Penises and The Love Of It

Today I found out another friend of mine was gay. Okay, the word 'gay' is sorta offensive, so I've resorting to calling him 'inclined towards penises'. Like all my other homosexual friends who have come out of the closet, this dude decides to give me an aneurism by a series of seemingly harmless questions: [Him] Let's hold hands. [Me] WHAT? [Him] No, seriously, I feel cold. [Me] Stick your hands in your crotch then, goddammit. [Him] That's only for warranted occasions *smiles* [Me] Warranted? ROFL, who the fuck uses the word warranted in a normal conversation? and WTF dude, cut it out. [Him] I dream constantly of men sloshing around me, licking my body all over while singing songs bout me. [Me] Are you trying to tell me something here? [Him] I want you to be one of those men. [Me] I think we should stop hanging out. Altogether. [Him] So, what's this bout this Dave guy you mentioned last week? [Me] Hold that thought. I need to find myself a shotgun. [Him] Whatever for? [Me] To shoot myself with. Christ, you're gay and you only decide to tell me now? And you wanted to go to Bintan with me?! OOOIIIII!!!!! [Him] Tee hee hee Dave, I will pass him your number, just so he'd get off my back and stop staring at my crotch when I drive. I'm hardly homophobic, but this is getting out of hand. Dave, honestly, Santa's got a present for you.


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