Saturday, July 23, 2005

Of Petty Thieves and Death by Conviction

Don't you hate it when someone comes when you're not around and takes something from your table without asking beforehand, and then returns it to a position that's just slightly different from what you remembered? That's annoying. Imagine me going: "Oh I'm sorry, I seem to have deposited some semen in your vagina. Hope you don't mind" I am also desperately trying to figure out why kamikaze pilots wore helmets? I mean, wtf? That's also like getting a swab of alcohol prior to getting a lethal injection. Excuse me, he's getting a lethal injection, by which I assume is intended to kill the person, and he's getting swabbed? For what, any last minute infections? Also, for all the multi-tasking abilities women proclaim that they possess, how is it that they are so phenomenally rubbish at driving? I was at Kim Gary last night, and I saw this lady in a sort of van or another reverse right into the car behind her. For no apparent reason. She wasn't backing up for a parking space, so I guess in the midst of mentally juggling what to prepare for dinner and figuring out how the flux capacitor in a time travelling DeLorean works, she decided it would be cool to reverse her MPV towards the wrong direction of traffic. Wait, I'm not done ranting. Some lady read my magazine, and sure enough, she picked up a few grammatical errors I have made. In doing so, I have apparently derailed her from understanding what the article is all about. Lady, is a mother-fucking mis-placed S going to confuse you in any way? Do you audit for Simon Cowell? How is an extra S going to make your reading experience so unbearable to the point where your brain ceases to function? Oh, I'm sorry, guessing from your feedback, I suppose it never worked in the first place. I guess you just rolled off the production line without turning your engine on. The day you command a magazine, let me know, because as of this point, your opinions are as hollow as the space in your head.


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