Friday, July 01, 2005

Spar with your boss if you're insane

What's sadder than playing games all day? Being beaten by your boss in office, that's what. Perhaps I should make the significance of this event clear. It wasn't a game of backgammon and we simply shook hands and walked off. All civility is thrown out the window when we are challenged to a game of Warcraft. It's not even about pride, it's symbolic, the pinnacle of what men strive in order to achieve their goals. OK, in other words, I was not about to get my ass beaten down by my boss. When it comes to games like Warcraft, my boss displays a level of grace that can only be described as horrific. Don't get me wrong, he's certainly brilliant, and he's one of the few people I can actually call a friend, but when he asks for a versus game, it's all war. Rape and pillage doesn't even begin to describe the intense desire I have to win. Least of all, I simply cannot let him win, because if he does, he'll gloat all about it all day long until I jump off a building. So. Ugh, thinking about it is enough to give anyone itchy crotch for a year, and even that is better than loosing. Not only does he want to have a versus match, he strung up the help of an equally *censored* colleague to play as his partner. Fine, I got Dave to play with me in a 2 vs 2 match. Oh, not enough you know, they insisted on having two Computer AIs to join their team in evening out the teams. Great, tie me up to a bedpost and tilt lit candles over my bare ass, why don't you. Oh farker, we put on a smashingly good fight, I tell you. It was legendary. Epic, even. We did so well, we lost. Well, what did you expect, it was 4 vs 2. Not even Michael Jordan could've pulled this off. Yes, I know he doesn't play Warcraft, but I like tall black men who can jump, alright? As I attempt to end this rant, I am already loosing much of the steam I had when I started writing it. In the end, the hollow victory enjoyed by my boss is nothing more than a reminder that perseverence is the path to eventual victory, and that it was a pretty stupid game to begin with. Oh, and lest I forget, my boss writes my paycheck too. So in conclusion, I am a worthless piece of turd and I will devote my entire life to serving you, O masterful boss-of-mine. You may have cheated in this trivial game, but I am a sack of shit anyway. Really, boss, if you're reading this, this is a joke. You know, funny? As in, do not sign that dismissal letter? ...


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