Thursday, September 01, 2005

Of Boners and Unwilling Women

I normally avoid chain mail quizzes like the plague, but it's still an enormously satisfying way of getting to know more about the person, especially if that person happens to be a hottie you fancy. Anyways, I had the unfortunate luck of bumping into Seline, and naturally, being a girl, she initiated the following infuriating conversation: S: What's your dream girl like? K: Oh man...do we really have to do this? S: Come on, entertain me. And besides, the food isn't here yet. Dammit. K: My dream girl would be one who has the words 'Aren't You Lucky' tatooed just above her vagina. S: You're not serious, are you? K: Either that, or she has the word BMW M5 on her forehead, and she has a 6 speed transmission which I can use to go from here to there. S: I would think you're the complicated type. K: Complicated is when I pee when I say I wanna take a crap. As you can see, the conversation rapidly went downhill from that point on. S: I still think you're complicated, although you don't want to show it. K: Seline, really, I'm not. I'm as simple as they come. Cut me, I bleed. To prove my point, take your top off, and I'll show you an erection. Simple. S: Why are you afraid of showing your real side? K: Jesus Christ, you think I'm making this up? Look, lemme squeeze your tits, and I'll show you a boner that'll sink the Titanic. S: Really? At this point, I have to stress that I'm not making any of this up. Night's looking far more interesting at this point. S: I wonder why is it that men think about sex all the time? K: Because we sometimes get tired between having to fight over which brain gets to say something. So when the dick wins, that's when we have this glazed look over our eyes and sprout a huge tent in our pants. S: I never understood men's fascination over breasts. K: Perhaps you'd like to have a little chat with my penis. Look, we're fascinated by them because we don't have them, and plus, they're obviously erotic zones, so naturally, it turns us on just by thinking about them. S: Have you ever had sex with a girl just by virtue of her boobs? K: Absolutely. To be honest, all of my ex girlfriends has fairly large breasts. They were quite a handful, literally. S: So that's your criteria, big breasts? Personality doesn't count? K: Lemme ask you then, would you date a gorgeous hunk of man if he has a tiny dick? S: I'm not into looks, and I'm certainly not into sex with just any man. K: You're not? Then why are we having this conversation in the first place? S: ... I really ought to go out more and meet more people.
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