Monday, December 12, 2005

The Accident Which Proved That I'm A Dumbass

I can't be expected to retell this same story over and over again to hundred of people, so therefore, I will blog about it. Yes, in all my life, I've never had the displeasure of saying that I've actually been in an accident. Yesterday, that all changed, thanks to a moron named Romdan in a Mazda van. I was slowing down towards the Batu Tiga toll plaza, when I noticed this dude in a van in front of me realizing that he was in the wrong lane. He initially cut into my lane, then pulled back in, so stupid me thinking that he saw me, went on along on my merry way. He then did the obvious, he swerved out just when I was going by him and rammed right into my rear right door. As you can tell, this is just stupid. But what's even more stupid is the conversation which ensued. Me: Are you blind? You cut across three lanes just so you'd hit me? Him: Aiyoh sorry la abang, tak nampak la. At this point I had to start speaking Bahasa Malaysia, which I absolutely detest. Me: You couldn't see? What's this for? *points at side mirrors* Him: Aiyoh sorry man...I'm just sorry. Me: Sorry? Wait, I need my ciggarette. Me: Okay, this is real simple. Even a blind policeman can tell this was your fault. So you either give me 500 bucks now, or I go straight to the police. Him: Aiyoh do need involve the police all la. Me: Gimme your wallet. *Opens his wallet to find 6 Ringgit. Yes, that's right, SIX. He doesn't even have an ATM card* Me: This is all you got? Six bucks?! Him: Aiyoh sorry man I was just bringing my kids for a joyride. Me: This is stupid. How are you going to give me the money? Him: Wait let me call my brother. Me: Does he have the money? Him: I got money wan, I just don't have it now. Me: Yeah sure you do. This is what you're gonna do. Follow me back to the police station. We'll wait for your brother there. If he doesn't show up in one hour, I'm walking in. Him: Aiyoh why la u have to be like this, no need la talk about police all. Me: You hit my car. And tomorrow's a holiday. *I take out his identification card* Me: Romdan bin Junis? Him: Call me Hashim. Me: So what's your name now, Rondam or Hashim? Him: Hashim. Me: Is this even your own I/C? Him: Yes. Me: So why the hell should I call you Hashim? Him: Aiyoh because everyone does la. Me: Trust me, the police will call you Romdan, not Hashim. Remember that. Him: Aiyoh I call my brother first la. Pity me la man, see my kids scared. I am not trying to cheat you wan. I will pay you. And for some stupid, incomprehensible reason, I believed him. I know, i'm a freaking gigantic moron, but I did. I actually believed that poor son of a bitch and said that he can get the money and meet up with me later on in the evening. OMG I still can't believe what a dumbass I was. Really, don't bother asking me, because if I could put a foot up my ass, I would. Naturally, he didn't show. Later on I called his mobile (which I made sure was his by making sure his phone rang in front of me). Me: Hello, Rondam? Girl: Who? Me: Who's this? Girl: Who are you looking for? Me: ... Me: Hashim. Girl: Hashim's not here. Me: Are you his daughter who was in the van earlier? Girl: Hashim's not here. Me: You tell your father or whoever he is that if he doesnt call me back about the money, he better start running, because I'm going to go to your house. Girl: Hashim's not here. GAHHHHHH. So anyway, he never picked up any of my subsequent calls. So naturally, I head on over to the police station to make a report. Here's a kicker, I reported that he was driving without a license, and that he ran out on me, hit-and-run style. Oh the joy. The coppers took pictures of my car, which is the norm, but this is the best part: I was driving around with an expired road tax. OH GOD THE BALLS. So listen, that's my story. Here's the lowdown. I will hunt this fucker's ass down. I have all the required details I need from him. I will bloody well make sure he gets an early visit from Santa this year. Those who want in, let me know. I plan to go in force.


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