Saturday, December 03, 2005

Too much exposure to ah bengs and ah liens can contribute to migraines

Hi all. Kelvin's been bugging me for a few weeks now to blog. And to cut a long story short, I promised him a LONG blog. I hear that blogging is supposed to be like writing in a private journal, except… it’s not exactly private. Since I don’t really have much to bitch about my daily adventures with mosquitoes Kelvin-style, this is the best I can do for now… so without further ado, here we go: A few weeks ago, I decided to go for a Jay Chou autograph session in 1U. Because I’m such a nice person, I shall now tell you all about what you missed: 3 pm: Arrived in 1 U all nicely dressed up with my brand new 3 inch gorgeous white high heels to boot. Gawked at the incredibly longggg line. Queued up with another friend like good ol' law-abiding citizens. While in line, the organizers start playing songs from Jay's new album. And naturally, everyone there just had to start screaming. I braced myself for a LONG evening ahead. 3.30 pm: Striked up a conversation with some people lining up behind and ahead of me. One particular girl of interest, which I shall name "Jay Chou nut-case fan" or JCNCF for short was trying to get people to join her Jay Chou fan club and had Jay's name literally tattooed all over her. After repeatedly turning her down, I started getting a little thirsty so I left the line to grab a nice cup of caramel frappucino. Mmmmm. 3.50 pm: Came back to find that the line had nearly tripled in length. After much snaking through the crowd with numerous "excuse me"s and "my friend is in front"s (not to mention rude stares from strangers), I finally managed to get back to my original spot in the queue. I noticed, with interest, that there had been a few new 'additions' (by additions i mean people who linger around in an attempt to cut our line) gathering around my spot in the queue. I (naively) thought that they would eventually get the message and queue up like the rest. 4.20 pm: One of the 'additions', which I shall refer to as stupid and smelly Ah lien in horrendous green with pink polka dots skirt, super frizzy hair and....ok ok fine fine, we'll just call her “Ah Lien exhibit A” for short, decided upon the monumental decision of cutting MY line. Irritated, I tapped on her shoulder only to get an annoyed stare from her (the nerve.). I tried my best to explain to her that there was only ONE line, and well, she was NOT in that line. (note: this was all in SIMPLE ENGLISH) And what did Ah Lien exhibit A do? NOTHING. Well, ok to be exact, she stared at me blankly and turned her back against me. Of course, I imagine that if I were a cartoon character, by this time smoke would have started seeping out of my ears and I was about to start breathing fire. I tapped on her shoulder again and asked if she understood simple English. And what was her answer? "No. I no speaking English. " FUCKING HELL. What do they teach in schools these days?? 4.25 pm: JCNCF tapped my back and said out loud "Some people are like that wan. Very stubborn wan...then some more they also enjoy playing stupid." Naturally, I couldn't resist. "Are you sure they are just playing stupid?" Honestly, even if you do not understand simple English, surely you understand basic courtesy? Bloody retarded frizzy hair Ah lien in green polka whatever... *aarrrghhhhhhhhhhhhh* 4.30 pm: Managed to come to an agreement with the people around me (who were queuing up like most DECENT people) to push Ah Lien exhibit A out of the way once the line moved slightly forward. Bear in mind, that all of this was going on whilst retarded Ah Lien was within hearing distance. Oh yes, and I would love to add that my shoes were starting to kill me. 4.45 pm: Everyone started pushing because the line started moving a little. Damn these people la seriously. I mean, what’s the big deal? Do you really think that if you manage to push all the way to the front, Jay Chou is going to get down on one knee and ask for your hand in marriage because he’s just oh-so-amazed at your unruly ways? And so in the midst of all the pushing and loud cursing (fine, I had my share of cursing too.. but people were STEPPING ON MY NEW WHITE SANDALS!!!!*&^%$#@!!!!!) , lo and behold, Ah Lien exhibit A decided to cut WAY ahead of us. Of course I would love to tell you all that I waved my index finger in front of that bitch's face and gave her a little “NO. NOT GOING TO HAPPEN” action. Sadly this was not to happen. *sob*. 4.55 pm: I helplessly watched the damn Ah Lien sprint to the front as I struggled to get a place in the line. If only you had any idea just how much I was wishing that she would trip and…. (err, I shall leave this all for later. First impressions are important. I AM A NICE GIRL. Most of the times anyway) 5.15 pm: Mother Nature decided to smear my mascara with some rain. Great. Just great. First, everyone ruins my brand new white sandals. Then, green polka dotted monster gets to cut the line. And to top it off, I will now be meeting Jay Chou with some scary shit eyes. T.T 5.30 pm: (To be continued) I would love to continue about my eventful night but then I would not have anything else to write about the next time Kelvin asks me to blog again =D Also, I think I’ve bored you all enough. So that's it for now! *wheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee*
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