Friday, January 27, 2006

Memoirs of A Gadget Geisha

I am a dishonest little shit. Before I get into that, and even more compromising than being a compulsive liar, I am also a master of deceit. Actually, I don't quite see the different between the two, but I'd like to think there's a distinction. If you disagree, then kindly assume the position and blow me. On a monthly basis, I get annoyed with the gadgets I review. That is not to say that my reviews are untrue, because if you claim it so, I will kick you in the gonads. Malaysians are without a doubt the biggest crybabies in the known universe. Why else would we laugh when Jeremy Clarkson takes a shit on BMW's hat, but we suddenly get our panties in a knot when Clarkson refers to Malaysians as jungle clearing Mongoloids? I would love to tell you that Sony's misguided ATRAC3 audio format is the worst idea since Jordan playing baseball, that the the entire Alfa board who said yes to Selespeed ought to be mutilated and then shot, or that Chinese MP3 and speaker manufacturers are just a bunch of unimaginative shits who thinks market flooding is the way to go. I just wish someone take a nuke to China and 'accidentally' set it off on the pretext of tripping on one of their 6 million product rip-offs. I would also like to tell you that Logitech needs to fucking learn to make more ambidextrous mice, because listen up fuckers, I buy your mouse, so shut it up your arse with catering to the larger market demand. Of course, I will never be able to get away with any of these comments. It's not even a matter of clientele relations and advertising, but I think journalism in Malaysia require compromise, the sort you indulge in when your girlfriend asks you to go down on her after a blowjob. I know there's no real reason to destroy someone unless they've impregnated your daughter. Still, I pride myself in saying that I actually get away with a lot more than I should, and if you're actually reading between the lines, I actually do cuss out a product or two whenever I feel like it. Which is more than what I can say for a lot of other mags out there. Regardless, I'll still jump ship at the slightest whiff of higher income. In the meantime, kindly avoid Sony MP3 players like the plague. Fucking hell, why do they even call it an MP3 player when it doesnt play MP3s? Dammit, I got all worked up all over again.


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